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How to Ask for a Favor and Not Leave a Terrible Impression

May 11, 2018 by Vicki Tillman 1 Comment

Take my word for it, this is important: How to ask for a favor and not leave a terrible impression.

How to Ask for a Favor and Not Leave a Terrible Impression

How to Ask for a Favor and Not Leave a Terrible Impression

Have you ever been asked to do someone a favor, you do it and then feel like you’ve totally been taken advantage of, disrespected or devalued? It certainly doesn’t make you want to do that person a favor next time they ask.

If you know someone who is inclined to do an asinine job of receiving favors that they ask for, tell them this:

Do me a favor, next time you need to ask someone a favor, read this post first.

Here’s how to ask for a favor and not leave a terrible impression:

*Ask. 

Don’t say, “I need you to do something for me…”

Try this instead:

  • “Could I ask you a favor? Would you do…,please?”
  • “Would you mind doing something for me? Would you…, please?”
  • “Could I impose on you to…, please?”

Notice: Each of the asks ends with the word, “Please”. Please is not optional when asking for favors if you don’t want to leave a terrible impression.

*Make it easy on the person to do the favor for you.

If they need information, don’t make them do a google search or dig through 10 years of past records. If you have access to what the person who is doing you a favor needs, give it to them. Examples of this:

  • If you need a referral or recommendation: Write examples of the work you and the referrer have done together in order to jog their memories. Give them a list of accomplishments.
  • If you need a review: Give the person the materials you want reviewed.
  • If you need them to stop by the store on the way home: Text them a list. A verbal list is too hard to remember.
  • If you need tutoring: Bring your textbook and course materials.

Making it easy to do the favor is not an option if you don’t want to leave a terrible impression.

*Say ‘Thank you’ when the favor is done.

In my experience, it not common to receive thanks when a favor is complete. The favor-asker often moves right on with life. It is also my experience that when I am not thanked for doing a favor:

  • I feel taken advantage of
  • I am less inclined to do another favor if that person wants something else done
  • The favor asker has left a bad impression

*Return the favor.

Remember: the person who did you a favor gave something up to do you that favor. They gave time or money or resources. The favor cost them something. So, it is thoughtful to return the favor.

Returning a favor is simply doing something nice for the person who did you the favor. It’s kind of like a human version of karma: favors are given, favors come back around. This creates goodwill and an atmosphere of giving.

There are lots of ways to return a favor. Here are a few ideas:

  • Write a thank you note. (This is above and beyond the verbal ‘thank you’.) Snail-mail it. Don’t email it.
  • Give some social media love.
  • Send some flowers.
  • Ask, “What can I do for you?”
  • Occasionally, the situation will not ethically allow the favor-giver to receive a repay. In this case, simply talk well about the favor-giver when you have the opportunity.

People who do not return the favors appear ungrateful and leave a bad impression.

A little bit of thoughtfulness from a favor-asker is all that’s needed to prevent creating bad impressions!

If you need a little coaching to build your confidence on favor-asking, contact me or schedule an appointment now. Coaching will help you become the kind of person who people LOVE to do favors for.

How to Ask for a Favor and Not Leave a Terrible Impression

Filed Under: Skills for Success, Uncategorized Tagged With: Healthy lifestyle, how to ask for favors, Relationship Skills

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3 Steps for Getting Life Right All the Time

March 21, 2017 by Vicki Tillman Leave a Comment

Been wondering how to always be right? Here are 3 steps for getting life right all the time.

3 Steps for Getting Life Right All the Time VickiTillmanCoaching.com

3 Steps for Getting Life Right All the Time

“I just want to get it right!”

“If I can’t do it with excellence, I will wait until I can.”

“If I can’t figure out the RIGHT thing to do, I must be all wrong.”

I often hear statements like this from my clients. Like many people, they are sincere and just want to get life (career, relationships, stuff) right.

I love to share my 3 steps for getting life right!

Step 1

Beware of “Perfection Paralysis” (as one of my perfectionistic friends calls it)

While you shouldn’t make a life goal of doing a lousy job at everything, you become excellent at whatever you do by much practice. If you wait until you’re perfect, you won’t ever get started, much less arrive. Getting life right happens as you intentionally gain experience on journey.

Guiding principle: Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. GK Chesterton

Step 2

Beware of “The Arrival Myth”

You don’t arrive. I can remember being a young mother who was deluded by the thought that when I reached the ripe old age of 30, I will have arrived. I would have my stuff together, my family will be perfect, and I would be living a comfortable, steady-as-she-goes lifestyle.

In the 21st century, most people don’t get one career, one house, one set of interests and the settle down into comfortable mediocrity. Instead, the staples of life like career, living location, even church often shift many times.

Guiding Principle: Today, life isn’t a destination. As long as you are this side of heaven, you never arrive. If you surrender the Arrival Myth and make up your mind to enjoy the adventure that you are on, you won’t miss what God is doing in and through you.

Step 3

Live life “good enough”

So, really, you can’t get it right, right now and expect it to stick. You can’t do life perfectly but you can keep at it. You must simply do life “good enough”and learn to enjoy the process.

That doesn’t mean living lazily or sloppily, it just means that you can live life (career, relationships, stuff) remembering you are on the journey: there isn’t ONE place that you will land and then be “okay”, you must be “okay” where you are.

Guiding Principle: How do you do life “good enough”?

  • Be thankful for what you have.
  • Daily find moments of awe.
  • Take care of what you have gratefully (your body, your soul, your relationships, your stuff).
  • Handle your career faithfully and wisely, understanding that things will change. (Keep your LinkedIn updated and your resume sharp.)
  • Always keep learning.
  • Remember that service to others is foundational for success.

Okay, so there aren’t 3 steps for getting life right all the time. There are simply steps for living your journey well.

When you’re ready for coaching with a wise guide, contact me. We can talk in person, by phone or Skype and help you understand yourself/others and enjoy the fulfilling next steps in your life!

3 Steps for Getting Life Right All the Time

Filed Under: Career Choice, Healthy Lifestyle, Life transitions, Self-discovery Tagged With: Career Choice, Getting life right, Healthy lifestyle, Life transitions

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3 Ways to Beat 3 Kinds of Stress

January 21, 2017 by Vicki Tillman 1 Comment

Want help? Here are 3 ways to beat 3 kinds of stress.

3 Ways to Beat 3 Kinds of Stress

Ever thought that there might be more than one kind of stress? Surprise! There are at least 3 kinds of stress (some folks even describe more than 3).

SO much stress! What can you do about it? Here are 3 ways to beat 3 kinds of stress:

Normal Life Stress: This is what we typically think about when we describe stress. Normal life stress is simply the feeling we get when:

  • There is too much to do and too little time or too few resources
  • No one is listening to you
  • Things feel out of control

What to do about normal life stress? Here are 3 ideas:

  • Make a to-do list and then cross off all the unrealistic items.
  • Tell yourself that you can do this! (calmly and repeatedly)
  • When no one is listening, then evaluate: Does the subject need to be dropped? Am I saying things over and over; or saying them too loudly? Are my listeners simply being unkind-should I talk to someone else?
  • Change the things you can change and let go of the things you can’tProgressive Relaxation

Eustress: This is the cool kind of stress we feel when we have a LOT of cool stuff happening all at once. We feel happy but our bodies recognize eustress as any other stress. Eustress causes the formation of stress hormones- like adrenaline and cortisol (fight or flight hormones). Manage those feelings with

  • Progressive relaxation at least once per day (download a freebie how-to here)
  • Ignatian Examen at bedtime (download a freebie how-to here)
  • Practice thankfulness

Anxiety: Too much stress for too long can turn into anxiety. Anxiety can become a psychological issue if it goes on too long or is too intense with worry and physical discomfort. Before it gets out of hand, try these:

  • Get some counseling. Counseling is different from coaching. Counselors help heal the pain causing the anxiety.Confidence-Building Skills for Meeting New People VickiTillmanCoaching.com
  • Get some life coaching. Life coaching helps you reduce anxiety by rediscovering who you are, what dreams God gave you to dream, and find ways to develop the tools to make those dreams happen.
  • Tackle some of your fears- like meeting new people. Download this freebie.

Life coaching and Career Coaching help you recalibrate your goals and your self-understanding. Coaching is a great stress buster. For coaching with a coach who is expert, who is experienced, who is compassionate and who believes in you contact me today!

We will work in person at Pike Creek Psychological Center, by phone or Skype.

3 Ways to Beat 3 Kinds of Stress

Filed Under: Healthy Lifestyle, Self-knowledge, Skills for Success Tagged With: Healthy lifestyle, Stress

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The Healing Power of Thankfulness

November 20, 2016 by Vicki Tillman Leave a Comment

It’s true! The healing power of thankfulness!

The Healing Power of Thankfulness VickiTillmanCoaching.com

The Healing Power of Thankfulness

One of the healthiest things you can do for yourself is to be thankful. This isn’t surprising since we humans have been told to be thankful for thousands of years. The Bible is full of mandates for thankfulness. Here are just 2 of them:

  • It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord. Psalm 92:1 (KJV)
  • Enter his gates with thanksgiving and into his courts with praise, be thankful unto him and bless his name. Psalm 100:4 (NKJV)

How is thankfulness healing for us?

Studies usually define gratitude as thankfulness. Sometimes it is easier for my coachees to describe thankfulness than gratitude. So we will discuss thankfulness in light of the gratitude research being done by the Greater Good Center at University of California Berkeley.

Researchers there have found that people who daily write what they are thankful for to experience:

  • Stronger immune systems and lowered blood pressure
  • Higher levels of positive emotions
  • More joy, optimism and happiness
  • More generosity and helpful behavior toward others
  • Feeling less lonely and isolated

That sounds like a win-win! God says to be thankful and when we do, look at all the benefits!

Here are some thankfulness activities to try:

  • Keep a simple gratitude list. Hand write it in a journal or notebook. You will soon find that you need to notice more things that are good, true or beautiful in order to keep the journal lively. This is good!
  • Try the 3 Good Things exercise from Dr. Martin Seligman at University of Pennsylvania.
  • Try this exercise: What would my life be like without? Spend about 15 minutes imagining what your life would be like if you didn’t have things like: your job? electricity? food? a significant relationship? etc.
  • Write a thank you letter and deliver it. 

You can come up with lots of ways to practice thankfulness.Vicki Tillman Coaching

When you are ready to increase the goodness and thankfulness in your life, life coaching is a good first step. Contact me for life-changing coaching via Skype, phone or in person.

The Healing Power of Thankfulness

Filed Under: Life transitions, Skills for Success Tagged With: Healthy lifestyle, Thankfulness

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Testimonial

  • Vicki Tillman is a gifted career counselor with a passion for helping adolescents and adults find their futures. She believes God has blessed each of us with unique gifts, abilities and callings. I have seen Vicki work with students, individuals as well as groups. She helps people identify their strengths and passions and view them as possibilities.

    Vicki Tillman has helped all 4 of my children discern more about what God has in store for them. Their experiences have ranged from knowing very clearly where they intend to go and how they intend to get there to having absolutely no direction regarding career or future education.

    Her personal style is charming, engaging and a wonderful balance of serious without being too serious. Watching Vicki work with my teens and countless other teens and parents has given me the confidence to enthusiastically recommend her to anyone wishing to walk into their future with faith.

    - KS

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