When I’m working with coachees on increasing their life satisfaction, we frequently work on friendships. Many people, after the college years, discover that their friendship base has shrunk. Old friends move away or start new life rhythms that do not fit into the old friendship routines.
However, life without friendships is not a good idea. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy reports that people with poor or insufficient human connection can put their health at risk (with 29% increased risk of heart problems, 32% increased risk of stroke, 50% increased risk of dementia in older adults and 60% increased risk of early death).
Having friendships also improves your emotional health. We humans tend to be more emotionally healthy with regular friend connections, being less anxious and depressed.
So, let’s talk about three ways to increase your friendships!
What can be done to increase new friendships?
There are lots of ways to build new friendships!
1. Start with finding new groups of people
New friends are not likely to come knocking on your door. You have the wonderful opportunity to go out and try new things until you find a new friend group. I recommend trying something new at least once or twice a month until you find the right-fit people. Don’t give up, you will find them if you keep trying. (Besides, trying new things is really good for you.)
Here are some places to look:
*Local meetups
*Causes, interests or hobbies you are interested in
*Community classes (arts, music, topics)
*Lectures or book clubs at local libraries and book stores
*Churches or other faith organizations that hold values that are similar to yours
*IRL meetup groups based on favorite podcasts or social media groups
*Volunteer work (check your local newspaper, social media, favorite organizations for information)
2. Talk well to yourself about trying out the groups you find
It can be challenging to try out new things, especially if you feel shy or anxious. Here are some ways to help:
*If your brain tells you that no one will like you or talk to you, tell your brain that you do not need to make a negative prediction. Instead, try a positive and empowered prediction, such as: “I will go there and give it a try. The people might be friendly and if they are I’ll stay for the whole event. If they are not friendly, I give myself permission to leave.”
*Download this freebie: Confidence-Boosting Skills for Meeting New People.
*Remember this important fact: You do not need to be interesting! You need to be interested. If you get a chance to chat with people during the event, do not put effort into being interesting or impressing anyone. Instead, put your effort into being interested in the person(s) you are talking to.
–Come with some questions you can ask people, such as:
——-How did you get interested in this organization?
——-What are some things that keep you interested in the organization?
3. Take it slow- increast the friendships over time
Friendships often grow best through shared experiences, so get busy becoming part of the organization. Participate in activities, volunteer to help set up and clean up. Soon you will find some kindred spirits that will be interested in you and what you bring to the table. Some of those folks will become interested acquaintances (that is a valid level of friendship), some will become friends that you start hanging out with after the group. Perhaps one might even become a bff!
As you grow through these levels of friendship, you will learn more about how “authentic” or “you” you can be with each person. Eventually, when you find some really good friends, you will be able to be relaxed and authentic. Learn more about six degrees of authenticity in this post.
Over time, your friendship base will grow. You will probably find that you have a number of friends in the different levels of friendship. That’s wonderful!
These three ways to increase your friendships will give you a good start. If you would like some support on building your confidence and skills for building new friendships, try some coaching! You can schedule a no-obligation discovery coaching session with me at this link.
