Vicki Tillman Coaching

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20-Something World Implosion: How to Un-implode!

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What is 20-something world implosion? How to un-implode it?

20 Something World Implosion: How to fix it! VickiTIllmanCoaching.com

20-Something World Implosion: How to Un-implode!

20-Somethings are some of my favorite coachees. Here’s something I’ve noticed with many of you:

Your world implodes in the 2 years after college!

What is *world implosion*?

When you’re in college there’s a lot of life happening organically. You naturally know people from classes, dorms, organizations and activities. You develop GREAT friendships. Often, you find a significant other. And you really didn’t have to work that hard at making these relationships. They happen because of proximity: you are simply around each other. Proximity gives you a world, a life!

Then graduation happens… and people get real jobs, real careers, in really far-away places. Very often the wonderful peer-group of college days spreads out all over America.

What happens next is you are going to work, coming home, maybe stopping at the gym on the way home. Then the next day you are going to work, coming home, maybe stopping at the gym on the way home.

Before you know it, it feels like you DON’T have a world, and WHAT’S a life?

Sound familiar? Well then: 20-Something world implosion…how to un-implode?

Here are 3 steps to un-implode your world:

  1. Get out of denial. You aren’t going to get a life the way you got a life in college. Life usually doesn’t happen like that once you’re in the workforce.
  2. Face the need to get busy. I know you’re tired, but you’re going to have to get busy anyway- doing NEW things.
  3. Start exploring. Find a new thing to do each week. Look online. Local online news sources or meet-ups often list open activities of community organizations. Find a group that is doing something interesting or useful (running or hiking groups, book clubs, Habitat for Humanity, churches- things like that). Plan on visiting 2 groups a month until you find your thing(s).Confidence-Building Skills for Meeting New People VickiTillmanCoaching.com
  4. Visit the first time, use your social skills. Download the FREEBIE Confidence-Building Skills for Meeting New People for tips on breaking into a new group. Remember, when you’re the newbie in a group, the group has to prove itself to you (*Are they friendly?*) not you proving yourself to the group (NOT: *Are you interesting?*).
  5. Keep exploring. Eventually you will land on a group that is so much fun and so friendly that you’ll keep going back. Those people will become your new peer group.
  6. As you keep the adventure going, your world will become bigger– not in the same way it happened in college. When you’re 20-Something world un-implosion won’t really be organic; it must be intentional!

One thing that really helps when you’re un-imploding your world is to know yourself well and feel comfortable with who you are. The best way to do this is to work with a life transition coach. Contact me today to get started on the adventure of un-imploding your world!

20-Something World Implosion: How to Un-implode!

Healthy Guide to Finding a Lifelong Relationship

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Ready to start the adventure of finding a partner? Here’s a healthy guide to finding a lifelong relationship.

Healthy Guide to Finding a Lifelong Relationship VickiTillmanCoaching.com

Healthy Guide to Finding a Lifelong Relationship

One of my favorite things is coaching people when they are ready for the life transition from being single to finding a lifelong relationship. Whether a person is 25 or 52 the journey is similar- IF you want to be a healthy person finding a healthy relationship!

Here’s the things my coachees have sometimes learned the hard way:

  • You won’t find that healthy person at the bars.
  • You won’t find that healthy person constantly gaming online.
  • You won’t find that healthy person already married to someone else. (Think about that one: You’re about to get involved with someone who isn’t able to remain faithful to relationships. Is that what you want?)

Here is a healthy guide to finding a lifelong relationship.

*Make an “absolute-musts” list. (Write down and memorize 5-10 must-haves in a person you’d be willing to spend your life with. If you don’t know what you need you’ll end up with someone who is not what you need.)

*Make a “no-chihuahua” rule for yourself. (Chihuahua’s are the people who rush in, bounce around in your face, giving and demanding attention but being SO charming and ubiquitous that you can’t see anyone else. The minute you marry a chihuahua, they know they have you- so they sit back and say “take care of me!”…and your life becomes awful!)

*Get involved. (Like I said, the person of your dreams is not at the bar and not gaming with every free minute. Healthy people are involved in the community. They volunteer, they are in interest groups, they are involved in church, are living life connected with people. AND they are looking for people who are involved and connected!)

*Don’t worry about making a good impression. (Put your efforts into using your listening and learning skills. If you show you are attentive and interested in the other person, you will be more impressive than if you were trying to be impressive. Does that make sense?)

*Loose the co-dependency. (If you need to rescue, fix or control, you’re going to create a disaster. This is a good time to work on life transitions coaching to help you develop healthy relationship skills.)Trail Guide to Writing Your Personal Mission Statement VickiTillmanCoaching.com

*Love yourself. (People are able to love you as much as you love yourself. No human can fill the void created by self-hatred.)

*Remove your walls. (How have you walled yourself off? Snarky conversation? Angry non-verbals- got a “resting bitch-face”? Significantly overweight? Addictions? Is it time for some coaching or counseling?)

*Start your journey by getting to know yourself again. Download the Trail Guide to Writing a Personal Mission Statement. Then contact me and we’ll get busy doing some enlightening, inspirational coaching to get your ready for a lifelong relationship.

Healthy Guide to Finding a Lifelong Relationship

Why Your Life Feels Miserable Right Now

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Sometimes life sucks. Maybe one of these is why your life feels miserable right now?

Why Your Life Feels Miserable Right Now VickiTillmanCoaching.com

Why Your Life Feels Miserable Right Now

Does your life feel miserable right now? That feeling is there to tell you something’s wrong. Some things need to be fixed or some things simply must be survived (but not survived alone).

Here are 7 things that may be going wrong if your life is feeling miserable right now:

1- Too much bad stuff going on right now. I’m not trivializing pain here. Sometimes a person feels miserable because of grief, illness, pain or loss. Those things are real and cannot be ignored. If your life feels miserable because too much bad stuff is going on let your friends know; let your church know.

Talk about what is going on- don’t bear it alone! Find someone to pray with you daily. If friends want to know how to help, here’s a freebie my friend, Marilyn Groop, wrote that shares practical ideas. Sometimes having a counselor to talk to helps, too (that’s because there is power in talking to someone from outside your circle of friends and family.)Progressive Relaxation VickiTillmanCoaching.com

2- Too much stress going on right now. Sometimes you feel miserable because there are too many stressful things going on: taxes, bills, car repairs, cranky colleagues, overtime at work. Maybe you’re overbooked because you can’t say, “NO!” Maybe you’re stretched too thin because it’s a phase of life that just happens (like motherhood…).

Ask yourself: What can I control and reduce right now? Do a time audit to help you think about it. Take a financial literacy course.

Or ask yourself: What must I simply ride out? Increase your self-care to give you strength (learn Progressive Relaxation or Ignatian Examen to help feel more calm).

3- Too much forced change going on right now. Sometimes you feel miserable when there is forced change. Job losses, moves, family changes…even graduations can feel miserable a few days later when you realize that life will be forever different. You didn’t ask for this stuff!Progressive Relaxation VickiTillmanCoaching.com

Forced change is a journey you must go through. As Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Life Transitions Coaching helps turn the trial into an adventure.

4- Too much self-centeredness going on right now. One thing I’ve learned over the years as a coach and a counselor is that people cannot be happy if personal happiness is all they want. “I just want to be happy!” is usually code for “I just want to have a bunch of stuff, lots of leisure and everyone to do things my way!” But when folks who say that get what they think they need for happiness, they find out they are still miserable.

What you need to be happy is to do good deeds! Research shows that doing good deeds or acts of kindness actually increase a person’s feeling of happiness. 

Confused? That’s ok. The adventure of giving into others is inside you and Life Transition Coaching will help you launch on your journey to true happiness.Trail Guide to Writing Your Personal Mission Statement VickiTillmanCoaching.com

Start by shaking up your self-centeredness with a journey of exploring your own Personal Mission Statement.

5- Too many toxic people going on right now. Sometimes people in your life change. They used to be kind but then they become bitter or critical. Maybe they are going through tough stuff and they handle it poorly, maybe it’s PMS. Whatever the reason, long-term toxicity isn’t cool.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do with a toxic person is set some distance between you two and work on your own health. Here again, Life Transition Coaching is there to help you on the journey towards personal health.

6- Too much time stuck in the wrong SEAT of the bus going on right now. Sometimes you feel miserable if you are in the wrong job. Jim Collins in Good to Great, challenges people to find the right “seat on the bus”- get in the best fit career for you. That’s what Career Coaching is all about: helping you find the right seat on the bus!Trail Guide to Career Exploration for Adults VickiTillmanCoaching.com

Get started on your new adventure with a quick personal journey of Career Exploration with this workbook.

7- Too much time stuck on the wrong BUS going on right now. Sometimes you feel miserable if you are working with the wrong corporation. Is your organization full of unethical, unkind people going an unhealthy direction?

Sometimes the only happy, healthy thing to do is hop off this bus and get back on track with a good bus going the right direction. That’s what Career Coaching is all about. Let’s take that great career, seek God’s direction and take the adventure of finding a better bus!

Life sometimes sucks, but there is support, encouragement, strength, too. Take good care of yourself and contact me when it is time for some coaching support.

Why Your Life Feels Miserable Right Now