Vicki Tillman Coaching

Find Meaning in Your Life.

Self-discovery

3 Steps for Getting Life Right All the Time

by Leave a Comment

Been wondering how to always be right? Here are 3 steps for getting life right all the time.

3 Steps for Getting Life Right All the Time VickiTillmanCoaching.com

3 Steps for Getting Life Right All the Time

“I just want to get it right!”

“If I can’t do it with excellence, I will wait until I can.”

“If I can’t figure out the RIGHT thing to do, I must be all wrong.”

I often hear statements like this from my clients. Like many people, they are sincere and just want to get life (career, relationships, stuff) right.

I love to share my 3 steps for getting life right!

Step 1

Beware of “Perfection Paralysis” (as one of my perfectionistic friends calls it)

While you shouldn’t make a life goal of doing a lousy job at everything, you become excellent at whatever you do by much practice. If you wait until you’re perfect, you won’t ever get started, much less arrive. Getting life right happens as you intentionally gain experience on journey.

Guiding principle: Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. GK Chesterton

Step 2

Beware of “The Arrival Myth”

You don’t arrive. I can remember being a young mother who was deluded by the thought that when I reached the ripe old age of 30, I will have arrived. I would have my stuff together, my family will be perfect, and I would be living a comfortable, steady-as-she-goes lifestyle.

In the 21st century, most people don’t get one career, one house, one set of interests and the settle down into comfortable mediocrity. Instead, the staples of life like career, living location, even church often shift many times.

Guiding Principle: Today, life isn’t a destination. As long as you are this side of heaven, you never arrive. If you surrender the Arrival Myth and make up your mind to enjoy the adventure that you are on, you won’t miss what God is doing in and through you.

Step 3

Live life “good enough”

So, really, you can’t get it right, right now and expect it to stick. You can’t do life perfectly but you can keep at it. You must simply do life “good enough”and learn to enjoy the process.

That doesn’t mean living lazily or sloppily, it just means that you can live life (career, relationships, stuff) remembering you are on the journey: there isn’t ONE place that you will land and then be “okay”, you must be “okay” where you are.

Guiding Principle: How do you do life “good enough”?

  • Be thankful for what you have.
  • Daily find moments of awe.
  • Take care of what you have gratefully (your body, your soul, your relationships, your stuff).
  • Handle your career faithfully and wisely, understanding that things will change. (Keep your LinkedIn updated and your resume sharp.)
  • Always keep learning.
  • Remember that service to others is foundational for success.

Okay, so there aren’t 3 steps for getting life right all the time. There are simply steps for living your journey well.

When you’re ready for coaching with a wise guide, contact me. We can talk in person, by phone or Skype and help you understand yourself/others and enjoy the fulfilling next steps in your life!

3 Steps for Getting Life Right All the Time

3 Ways to Stop Wasting Your Life

by 2 Comments

There are so many more ways but here are at least 3 ways to stop wasting your life.

3 Ways to Stop Wasting Your Life VickiTillmanCoaching.com

3 Ways to Stop Wasting Your Life

As a life coach and as a counselor, I get 3 kinds of clients who wake up one morning in despair that they’ve been wasting their lives:

  • Millennials, when they turn 30 they realize their young adulthood has gone…and what have they got to show for it?
  • Gen X’ers, when they turn 45…and realize that many opportunities they’d hoped for are lost, so what is left?
  • Boomers, when they hit 60 or retirement…and realize that their satisfaction with life is SO much less than they had expected, what happens now?

Those pivotal moments include most of us at one time or another. These are moments of fear, despair or regret. What can be done?

Here are 3 ways to stop wasting your life.

* Do good deeds. Daily. As a lifestyle. Try:

  • Joining an organization and volunteering frequently
  • Holding doors open for people
  • Smiling at cashiers and wishing them a good day
  • Giving affirmations to family members
  • Including newcomers in conversations and activities

Doing good deeds makes you a better person- and you’ll feel better, too. Volunteer work and acts of kindness help lower anxiety (even social anxiety).

*Find beauty. Habitually. As a lifestyle. Try:

  • Noticing cloud formations
  • Stoping and watching sunrises or sunsets
  • Learning some constellations
  • Looking for flowers, trees and birds
  • Paying attention to artwork and music
  • Going to a play or concert

When we stop to experience beauty, we often feel a sense of awe. Research shows that when people feel awe, they shift from ego-centrism to a feeling of loving-kindness and helpful behaviors. This is good for us and for others.

*Practice gratitude. Daily. As a lifestyle. Try:

  • Keeping a written journal listing things and people you are grateful for
  • Saying thank you often
  • Setting a timer for 3 moments each day. When the timer goes off, state out loud the things you are grateful for

These practices may seem simple, but they are life-changing. These are ways to stop wasting your life and truly making your life matter.

Recently a friend passed away after years of several chronic illnesses. This wonderful woman had lived for years tethered to oxygen tanks and other health problems. Despite her limits she raised her 5 sons (and homeschooled them K-12) and was an active member in her homeschool community.

She also volunteered frequently at her favorite (and my favorite) charity: Urban Promise. When she was healthy she helped on campus, after that she developed summer curriculum, had the staff for dinners and parties at her house, prayed for them constantly.

Rather than seclude herself because of her illness, she shook her fist at the physical onslaughts and made a difference in the world. At her memorial service the church was overflowing with grateful family, friends, and volunteer colleagues. She did not waste her life.

One thing my friend, Lisa, did was pray. She shared her prayers in a journal for those with chronic illness. The downloadable prayer journal is only $2.99. Her publisher is now giving the entire proceeds from God Meets Me Here to Urban Promise. Will you download a copy today?

Stop wasting your life. The more you give in service, beauty and gratitude, the more your life will be truly good.

3 Ways to Stop Wasting Your Life

How to be Content with Your Life and Still Reach for Your Dreams

by Leave a Comment

Dreams out of reach? Here’s how to be content with your life and still reach for your dreams.

How to be Content with Your Life and Still Reach for Your Dreams VickiTillmanCoaching.com

How to be Content with Your Life and Still Reach for Your Dreams

Disappointment is part of life. (If I could give God advice about this, I’d tell Him that we should skip this part- but He seems to think otherwise.) We can have dreams, we can feel like we’re on the right track and then everything stops…falls apart…whatever. Then it seems like our dreams are ripped away from us.

Disappointment. It’s real. But life goes on. How do we allow life to be good even when it has been “wrong”?

Practice contentment. (Notice I said, “practice”? It takes a LOT of practice. It is a life-long, ongoing PROCESS.) BUT don’t give up on your dreams. Here’s how to be content with your life and still reach for your dreams.

How to be content with the life you have now.

*Keep daily gratitude lists. This isn’t cheesy, really. We know that Scripture tells us to give thanks and to have a grateful spirit (Psalms 100, 138, 139 and more). Now there’s research about the power of gratitude. University of California has done great work on gratefulness. They’ve found that written gratitude lists help

  • promote healthy immune systems and blood pressure
  • decrease depression levels
  • and more!Progressive Relaxation VickiTillmanCoaching.com

*Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is the practice of “calm, non-judgmental awareness”. The American Psychological Association shares some benefits of mindfulness:

  • stress reduction
  • improved working memory
  • better focus
  • more stable moods
  • enhanced relationships

There are many mindfulness practices. Download the freebie instructions for two of my favorites mindfulness practices: Progressive Relaxation and Ignatian Examen.

*Notice the good stuff that is here now. No matter how much “stuff” we have, we need something else- but that kind of thinking makes us sick. When you notice what you DO have (and are grateful for it), the pressure to accumulate things reduces.Ignatian Examen How-to VickiTillmanCoaching.com

*Notice the good people that are here now. Your friends and family are what they are- none are perfect but hopefully most are good. Concentrate on the good people and the good things they do. If you need to download some toxic people, go for it.

*Notice the good events that are here now. Every day, something good happens. What is it?

*Self-care. You can’t be content and then respect your body and soul. It works the other way around. Treat your body and soul well and you will more easily find contentment.

*Find 5 good friends. I always tell my clients, “You become like the 5 people you hang around with, so get 5 good friends.”

How to be content with your life and still reach for your dreams:

Don’t forget your dreams. They are gifts from God.

*Remember that there is always something ahead and that you already have a dream about it inside you. It’s there, trust me.

Trail Guide to Career Exploration for Adults VickiTillmanCoaching.com

*If you’ve forgotten about your dreams, start over.

*Rediscover yourself. Who are you? If you’ve forgotten, some Career Exploration (which is simply self-knowledge development) helps. Have some fun:

*Create a vision board

*Set aside a few minutes each week to develop a skill that will help you in your dreamTrail Guide to Writing Your Personal Mission Statement VickiTillmanCoaching.com

You can have both: contentment with the present and dreams about the future. Hold onto both! Contact me when you are ready to recalibrate your life through coaching.

How to be Content with Your Life and Still Reach for Your Dreams

6 Steps of Career Change: More Than Dreams

by Leave a Comment

There are 6 steps to career change: more than just your dreams.

6 Steps to Career Change: More Than Just Your Dreams VickiTillmanCoaching.com

6 Steps to Career Change: More Than Just Your Dreams

Much of the career coaching that I do is with people who realize they need out of their current situation:

  • Their current corporation is being sold and they can see that the new organization will outsource their position
  • There are only lateral moves available within their current corporation
  • They get up every morning and HATE what they are doing
  • They know there is more inside them than the work they are doing now
  • They are worth more than they are being paid
  • They remembered they once had dreams…

When my coachees are ready to launch into the adventure of recreating their careers, we talk a LOT about dreams.

  • What did you use to love?Trail Guide to Writing Your Personal Mission Statement VickiTillmanCoaching.com
  • What do you love now?
  • Forgot?
  • Don’t know?

How about you? What are YOUR dreams?

If you can’t remember, get started on a fresh life journey. Remember, re-evaluate. Re-write your personal mission statement. That will help you remember who you are and why you’re here on earth. If you’ve never had one, take a day to yourself and do this workbook:

Now, you’re ready to adventure!

But career change is NOT just about your dreams. Here are other things to think about:

  1. What are your strengths?
  2. What are your masteries or most powerful experiences? (Either in work or out)
  3. What has God revealed to you through those experiences?
  4. What are your values (what is most important to you- money, relaxation, travel, family, etc)?
  5. Who is depending on you?
  6. What is your cause (what are you involved in that has transcendent – or goodness- value)?Vicki Tillman Coaching

Sound overwhelming?

You’re right. Career changes can be tough. It’s best not to do that journey alone. Take along an experienced guide- in other words, a Career Coach.

Contact me today to get started! We can journey through your career change in person, by email or via Skype.

6 Steps to Career Change: More Than Just Your Dreams

20-Something World Implosion: How to Un-implode!

by 4 Comments

What is 20-something world implosion? How to un-implode it?

20 Something World Implosion: How to fix it! VickiTIllmanCoaching.com

20-Something World Implosion: How to Un-implode!

20-Somethings are some of my favorite coachees. Here’s something I’ve noticed with many of you:

Your world implodes in the 2 years after college!

What is *world implosion*?

When you’re in college there’s a lot of life happening organically. You naturally know people from classes, dorms, organizations and activities. You develop GREAT friendships. Often, you find a significant other. And you really didn’t have to work that hard at making these relationships. They happen because of proximity: you are simply around each other. Proximity gives you a world, a life!

Then graduation happens… and people get real jobs, real careers, in really far-away places. Very often the wonderful peer-group of college days spreads out all over America.

What happens next is you are going to work, coming home, maybe stopping at the gym on the way home. Then the next day you are going to work, coming home, maybe stopping at the gym on the way home.

Before you know it, it feels like you DON’T have a world, and WHAT’S a life?

Sound familiar? Well then: 20-Something world implosion…how to un-implode?

Here are 3 steps to un-implode your world:

  1. Get out of denial. You aren’t going to get a life the way you got a life in college. Life usually doesn’t happen like that once you’re in the workforce.
  2. Face the need to get busy. I know you’re tired, but you’re going to have to get busy anyway- doing NEW things.
  3. Start exploring. Find a new thing to do each week. Look online. Local online news sources or meet-ups often list open activities of community organizations. Find a group that is doing something interesting or useful (running or hiking groups, book clubs, Habitat for Humanity, churches- things like that). Plan on visiting 2 groups a month until you find your thing(s).Confidence-Building Skills for Meeting New People VickiTillmanCoaching.com
  4. Visit the first time, use your social skills. Download the FREEBIE Confidence-Building Skills for Meeting New People for tips on breaking into a new group. Remember, when you’re the newbie in a group, the group has to prove itself to you (*Are they friendly?*) not you proving yourself to the group (NOT: *Are you interesting?*).
  5. Keep exploring. Eventually you will land on a group that is so much fun and so friendly that you’ll keep going back. Those people will become your new peer group.
  6. As you keep the adventure going, your world will become bigger– not in the same way it happened in college. When you’re 20-Something world un-implosion won’t really be organic; it must be intentional!

One thing that really helps when you’re un-imploding your world is to know yourself well and feel comfortable with who you are. The best way to do this is to work with a life transition coach. Contact me today to get started on the adventure of un-imploding your world!

20-Something World Implosion: How to Un-implode!

Why Your Life Feels Miserable Right Now

by Leave a Comment

Sometimes life sucks. Maybe one of these is why your life feels miserable right now?

Why Your Life Feels Miserable Right Now VickiTillmanCoaching.com

Why Your Life Feels Miserable Right Now

Does your life feel miserable right now? That feeling is there to tell you something’s wrong. Some things need to be fixed or some things simply must be survived (but not survived alone).

Here are 7 things that may be going wrong if your life is feeling miserable right now:

1- Too much bad stuff going on right now. I’m not trivializing pain here. Sometimes a person feels miserable because of grief, illness, pain or loss. Those things are real and cannot be ignored. If your life feels miserable because too much bad stuff is going on let your friends know; let your church know.

Talk about what is going on- don’t bear it alone! Find someone to pray with you daily. If friends want to know how to help, here’s a freebie my friend, Marilyn Groop, wrote that shares practical ideas. Sometimes having a counselor to talk to helps, too (that’s because there is power in talking to someone from outside your circle of friends and family.)Progressive Relaxation VickiTillmanCoaching.com

2- Too much stress going on right now. Sometimes you feel miserable because there are too many stressful things going on: taxes, bills, car repairs, cranky colleagues, overtime at work. Maybe you’re overbooked because you can’t say, “NO!” Maybe you’re stretched too thin because it’s a phase of life that just happens (like motherhood…).

Ask yourself: What can I control and reduce right now? Do a time audit to help you think about it. Take a financial literacy course.

Or ask yourself: What must I simply ride out? Increase your self-care to give you strength (learn Progressive Relaxation or Ignatian Examen to help feel more calm).

3- Too much forced change going on right now. Sometimes you feel miserable when there is forced change. Job losses, moves, family changes…even graduations can feel miserable a few days later when you realize that life will be forever different. You didn’t ask for this stuff!Progressive Relaxation VickiTillmanCoaching.com

Forced change is a journey you must go through. As Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Life Transitions Coaching helps turn the trial into an adventure.

4- Too much self-centeredness going on right now. One thing I’ve learned over the years as a coach and a counselor is that people cannot be happy if personal happiness is all they want. “I just want to be happy!” is usually code for “I just want to have a bunch of stuff, lots of leisure and everyone to do things my way!” But when folks who say that get what they think they need for happiness, they find out they are still miserable.

What you need to be happy is to do good deeds! Research shows that doing good deeds or acts of kindness actually increase a person’s feeling of happiness. 

Confused? That’s ok. The adventure of giving into others is inside you and Life Transition Coaching will help you launch on your journey to true happiness.Trail Guide to Writing Your Personal Mission Statement VickiTillmanCoaching.com

Start by shaking up your self-centeredness with a journey of exploring your own Personal Mission Statement.

5- Too many toxic people going on right now. Sometimes people in your life change. They used to be kind but then they become bitter or critical. Maybe they are going through tough stuff and they handle it poorly, maybe it’s PMS. Whatever the reason, long-term toxicity isn’t cool.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do with a toxic person is set some distance between you two and work on your own health. Here again, Life Transition Coaching is there to help you on the journey towards personal health.

6- Too much time stuck in the wrong SEAT of the bus going on right now. Sometimes you feel miserable if you are in the wrong job. Jim Collins in Good to Great, challenges people to find the right “seat on the bus”- get in the best fit career for you. That’s what Career Coaching is all about: helping you find the right seat on the bus!Trail Guide to Career Exploration for Adults VickiTillmanCoaching.com

Get started on your new adventure with a quick personal journey of Career Exploration with this workbook.

7- Too much time stuck on the wrong BUS going on right now. Sometimes you feel miserable if you are working with the wrong corporation. Is your organization full of unethical, unkind people going an unhealthy direction?

Sometimes the only happy, healthy thing to do is hop off this bus and get back on track with a good bus going the right direction. That’s what Career Coaching is all about. Let’s take that great career, seek God’s direction and take the adventure of finding a better bus!

Life sometimes sucks, but there is support, encouragement, strength, too. Take good care of yourself and contact me when it is time for some coaching support.

Why Your Life Feels Miserable Right Now