Vicki Tillman Coaching

Find Meaning in Your Life.

Healthy Lifestyle

Aiming for Emotionally Healthy Life? 5 Things You Must Believe About You

by 2 Comments

Are you aiming for an emotionally healthy life? 5 things you must believe about you.

Aiming for Emotionally Healthy Life? 5 Things You Must Believe About You VickiTillmanCoaching.com

Aiming for Emotionally Healthy Life? 5 Things You Must Believe About You

*Just because you still have areas to work on, doesn’t mean that you’re a failure. 

Wise people are introspective. They will take a look at the things that they are doing well, and those they are not doing well. However, emotionally healthy people will not take those introspective moments as opportunities for self-abuse. They will use them to set growth goals.

Areas to work on = Goals for growth

*You have gifts that need to be unfolded.

Every person has things inside them that need to be discovered, unfolded, developed, and enjoyed. No matter how long you live, there will be something that is in you to find out about. How do you discover gifts? Try new things, do volunteer work, join organizations that are creating good. As you are active and engaged in life, gifts will come to light.

Active, engaged, serving lifestyle = Gift-discovery and development

*Your God-given personality is a blessing to be developed and appreciated.

God gave each person a personality (get it: person…personality). Wise people learn about themselves so that they can enhance the good parts and manage the weaknesses. The stronger people get in self-knowledge, the more they can be healthy. Do some personality exploration!

Personality exploration = self-knowledge and satisfaction

Personal Discovery Links VickiTillmanCoaching.com

Click image for free download.

*You are loved by God.

Wise people learn to simply rest in this knowledge. There are many things in the world that are painful and unexplainable. In the midst of all that, emotionally healthy people can be helped by the knowledge there is a God who loves, IS love and loves you in particular.

God is love and loves you = Emotional rest

*You were made for connection with God, people, God’s creation.

People are not meant to be alone. We need several kinds of connection;

Personal growth is the kind of work coaches do. Contact me.

Aiming for Emotionally Healthy Life? 5 Things You Must Believe About You

 

 

7 Achievable Ways to Enhance Your Emotional Health

by Leave a Comment

It’s worth investing in: 7 achievable ways to enhance your emotional health.

7 Achievable Ways to Enhance Your Emotional Health VickiTillmanCoaching.com

7 Achievable Ways to Enhance Your Emotional Health

Coaching clients often have emotional health as one of their goals. Even if they don’t define it that way because they don’t know what the heck emotional health is!

What they are able to say is that they want to live a good life and feel fulfilled. In order to reach those goals, a person need emotional health.

What is emotional health anyway?

  • Emotionally healthy people have high personal Emotional Intelligence: They recognize, understand and manage their own emotions.
  • Emotionally healthy people have high interpersonal Emotional Intelligence: They have the ability to recognize, understand and influence the emotions of others.
  • Emotionally healthy people are resilient: They can bounce back from difficult circumstances (with help from others when needed).
  • Emotionally healthy people have grit. They have perseverance and passion for long-term goals.
  • Emotionally healthy people treat with the balance of compassion and assertiveness. Compassionate people notice other’s suffering and want to help. Assertive people know where to draw the line so that they do not fall into co-dependency.
  • Emotionally healthy people treat themselves well.
  • Emotionally healthy people find and engage in truth, beauty and goodness.

Does that sound overwhelming? It’s not. Here are 7 achievable ways to enhance your emotional health.

  1. For personal Emotional Intelligence, practice 3 W’s daily. Get a journal and once a day record: WHAT am I feeling? WHY am I feeling that way? WHAT am I going to do about it?Progressive Relaxation
  2. For interpersonal Emotional Intelligence, practice perspective taking. In that same journal, record an interaction or event that happened that day. Now practice the 3 W’s from the other(s) perspective. Do your best (the more you practice, the easier it will become). WHAT were they feeling? WHY were they feeling that way? (What is their history/story/need/fear?) WHAT are you going to do about what happened?
  3. To build resilience. Talk to yourself about recovering from tough things (predict to yourself that you will recover). Create positive experiences for yourself.
  4. To build grit. Spend some time on self-discovery. Begin to pray about setting life-goals for yourself.
  5. To balance compassion and assertiveness. Do a good deed daily. Say “no” to people who take advantage of you.
  6. Treat yourself well. Start with some mindfulness and gratitude. Here’s a link for progressive relaxation breathing- a simple mindfulness exercise, and a how-to for gratitude lists.Ignatian Examen How-to VickiTillmanCoaching.com
  7. Begin to expand your emotional health with “truth, beauty and goodness” by noticing God’s work each day. Here’s a link for my version of the mindful prayer exercise: Ignatian Examen.

These are all achievable goals, but sometimes working towards ANY goal is easier and more fun when working with a coach. When you’re ready to work on your emotional health goals, contact me to get started with life or career coaching.

Hey, and look at the sidebar and sign up for my newsletter. I’ll be sending out an email weekly for the next 7 weeks with a downloadable freebie to build on one of the 7 areas above per week. Enhance your emotional health! Sign up for the newsletter.

7 Achievable Ways to Enhance Your Emotional Health

5 Emotionally Healthy Reasons to Find 5 Emotionally Healthy Friends

by Leave a Comment

Here are 5 emotionally healthy reasons to find 5 emotionally healthy friends.

5 Emotionally Healthy Reasons to Find 5 Emotionally Healthy Friends VickiTillmanCoaching.com

5 Emotionally Healthy Reasons to Find 5 Emotionally Healthy Friends

Friendships are necessary for human health and wellbeing. If you want to truly want to live the “good life”, according to Aristotle, you need to have good friends.

Friendship is usually not too difficult for extraverts, but even introverts need good friends…and by “good friends”, I mean “emotionally healthy friends”.

Here are 5 emotionally healthy reasons to find 5 emotionally healthy friends:

Reason #1: You become like the 5 people you hang around with most

Whether the people you are engaged with are online or IRL, the 5 people you are with most frequently are the people who will most influence your thoughts, decisions, beliefs and behaviors.

A great quote from Colin Powell says it well:

“Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life. Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendships. If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But, if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights.”

The Bible says in Proverbs 13:20 says the “He who walks with wise men shall be wise…”. (Tillman version)

Research shows this. If you have friends who eat healthily, you are more likely to eat healthily. You’ve noticed this, I’m sure. When people get new friends, they change. They are subconsciously or consciously influenced by them to become like them. (You are also influencing your friends, too.)

Reason #2: Emotionally healthy friendships are good for your brain

Ever had one of those moments with a friend where you both have the same thought? Or maybe you both worked on figuring out a tough problem, then you came to a mutual resolution (an “aha” moment)? Or you listened deeply to one another and each of you felt heard?

At those moments, you both did some rewiring of your brains…mutual rewiring. This increases both your brains’ neuroplasticity (your resilience and neural health).

Healthy friendships help train our brains for empathy and prosocial skills…if we have emotionally healthy friendships. The opposite can also be true: emotionally unhealthy friends stimulate us instinctively toward their unhealthy behaviors. This is because our brains have “mirror neurons” that instinctively imitate the things we see other people do. 

Healthy friends contribute to healthy brains.

Reason #3: Emotionally healthy friendships help you be successful

Research shows that people who have a best friend at work are 7 times more likely to feel engaged with their job.

Emotionally healthy friends will encourage you to achieve your goals. Another great quote from Colin Powell: 

“Friends that don’t help you climb will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don’t increase you will eventually decrease you.”

Reason #4: Close friendships may help reduce depression levels over time and help you build self-worth

Having good friends may help to reduce depression and anxiety levels over time. One recent study found that adolescents that have close friends as teens, had lower levels of depression and anxiety when they reached age 25. Teens with close friends also tend to have better self-worth as adults.

Adults do feel better with friends, too. If you didn’t have many friends as a teen, now is the time to get started.

Reason #6: Good role models believe in good friendship

We know that some of the wisest people in history believed in good friendship. Here are just 2 of them:

Aristotle:

In poverty and other misfortunes of life, true friends are a sure refuge. The young they keep out of mischief; to the old they are a comfort and aid in their weakness, and those in the prime of life they incite to noble deeds.

C.S. Lewis:

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.

What is emotionally healthy friendship?

Does emotionally healthy friendship mean that none of your friends can experience depression, anxiety or other struggles? No! (That’s not even possible. Everyone experiences depression or anxiety sometimes.)

Emotionally healthy friends are friends that:

  • Have goodwill towards you. (They wish you well-being. They want the best for you.)
  • Celebrate when you have a success.
  • Listen.
  • Call you out on your garbage…but are not critical or belittling.
  • Are mutual (able to invest support as well as receive support from a relationship).
  • Don’t hog your attention.

Where do you find emotionally healthy friends?

  • Your significant other can count as one.
  • Family counts (but not as all 5 of your friends).
  • You can find friends at work or in various organizations.
  • You can find friends in the digital world, too.

Best wishes finding some great friends!

5 Emotionally Healthy Reasons to Find 5Emotionally Healthy Friends

5 You-Can-Do-It Ways to Boost Your Confidence

by Leave a Comment

Here are 5 You-Can-Do-It ways to boost your confidence!

5 You-Can-Do-It Ways to Boost Your Confidence Build your confidence with these simple tips.

5 You-Can-Do-It Ways to Boost Your Confidence

Whether they understand *I lack confidence* or not, lots of people simply don’t believe in themselves. I have the joy of working with lots of people who mostly need a boost in confidence in order to start the adventure of becoming who they need to be.

Let’s talk about some ways to kick lacking-confidence in the butt… or how about: here are 5 YOU-CAN-DO-IT ways to boost your confidence.

Confront Your Lies

Everyone has lies they have learned over time.

  • I’m just that way…
  • I can’t…
  • I’m no good…
  • No one would want what I have to offer…
  • I’m not good enough for anything…
  • I could never…

What are your lies? The way you recognize a lie is to catch the *absolute negative* statements you make to yourself. It begins with *I* and ends with a self-criticism that leaves you feeling hopeless and shut down.

The first thing to do is recognize that the lie is there. Then, as an act of faith, confront the lie: HEY LIE, I’ve caught you and I’m going to retrain myself to stop listening to you and START finding the truth!

Self-talk the Truth

Once you’ve caught the lie, turn it 180 degrees around and that will most likely be the truth. Somewhere in his teachings (I totally forget where), C.S. Lewis explained the concept of *bifurcation*. Bifurcation is the concept of opposites: for every good and beautiful thing God creates in us, satan tries to come up with a negative lie that is pretty much opposite to lure us away.

As long as we are living in the bifurcation, we are looking at the opposite of what God has placed into us and planned for us.

Turn it around. Start talking to yourself about the truth. It helps to look in the mirror, make eye contact with yourself and say it out loud until you brain rewires itself.

  • I’m resilient and adaptable to new things…
  • I CAN…
  • I’m good enough to do whatever God gives me to do…
  • I will be a blessing…
  • I can do whatever I need to do…
  • I could try and I can succeed…

Do Something New

One of the best things that you can do for yourself is to go do something new.

  • find a MOOC and complete the whole thing

    Confidence-Building Skills for Meeting New People VickiTillmanCoaching.com

    Here’s one new thing to get started with: Confidence-building skills for meeting new people.

  • hike a new trail
  • take a painting class
  • visit a new town nearby
  • attend a world music concert
  • volunteer at a refugee center
  • write a government official about a cause
  • attend a retreat

It doesn’t matter what it is, it just need to be new. The physiological benefits of doing new things will help you feel more confident. The pride you feel in doing the new thing will boost your confidence.

Don’t be Ashamed of Your Weaknesses

We all have weaknesses. Everyone.

Let go of the shame. Then you can find workarounds for the weaknesses. Workaround are there when you look!

Lean into Your Strengths

Everyone has strengths. Lean into them. Develop them. You are responsible to grow your God-given strengths!

  • Take a MOOC or course at a local college
  • Read up and practice!
  • Get a coach and work on it!

This is what I’m all about: Coaching people for confidence boosting so that they can fulfill who they were created to be. You need this.

Contact me today to get started with the coaching process. I will work with you face to face or by phone or Skype.

5 You-Can-Do-It Ways to Boost Your Confidence

Simple How-to Guide to Create a Gratitude Journal

by 1 Comment

Here is a simple how-to guide to create a Gratitude Journal.

Simple How-to Guide to Create a Gratitude Journal

Simple How-to Guide to Create a Gratitude Journal

I was a reluctant gratitude journalist. At first I thought they were sappy, goofy projects for sentimental people. But here’s the facts: Gratitude journals are good for you! There is a building body of research that shows that the practice of gratitude helps build emotional, social and spiritual health.

It appears that people who practice gratitude build their personal reserves that help to deal with life’s stressors and trials. Gratitude also strengthens relationship bonds both with people and with God.

Interesting that the advice in Scripture was right all along! There are at least 100 verses exhorting us to give thanks.

I began Gratitude Journaling a year ago. I found one of my unused journals and started a daily (well, almost daily) practice of spending 3-5 minutes listing things I am grateful for.

I have found over the year that:

I am thankful for big blessings

  • answers to prayer
  • unexpected gifts

Even though I’m not a sappy person, I have also become aware of the very many simple blessings around me:

  • the sparkle of dew on flowers
  • the many shades of green during springtime
  • the songs of birds
  • cats on the lap

I quickly started to add thanks for things I hoped to see but hadn’t actually occurred yet. I am NOT a “name-it-and-claim-it-person”; it just seemed sensible to me. The cool thing about that is that gradually, my concept of time changed, these things I listed in my journal on a daily basis became things I was genuinely, un-anxiously thankful for…as thankful as if I had received them. It was my first glimpse, I believe, into the timelessness of God…and of the scripture Hebrews 11:1 (Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.)

Ready to start your own Gratitude Journal? Here are some simple tips:

  • There’s not a wrong way to make a Gratitude Journal- so just do it!
  • Include big blessings you’ve been given
  • Include the tiny things that make you happy (like dew on the flowers, for instance)
  • It’s okay to list the same things every day if you are grateful for them every day
  • It’s okay to list things you’ve prayed for and are waiting for answers
  • It’s okay to list blessings you’ve seen God has bestowed on friends or family members
  • Include areas of personal growth that God has helped you with
  • Include practical, mundane things, like:
    • ability to work
    • had food to eat
    • had clothes to wear
  • Don’t put a number the number of things you must list each day
  • On tough days, ask God to help you have a peaceful attitude about your gratitude
  • You don’t have to elaborate but you may- it helps some people to write a paragraph (I simply list things)
  • You don’t have to write neatly or spell correctly- no one is grading this!

As you work through your journal, you will probably begin discovering some new things about yourself. Why not leverage that into a time of great personal growth? That’s what Life Coaching is all about. I can help! Contact me at Pike Creek Psychological Center or by email.

Here’s a Facebook live I shared about Gratitude Journaling.

 

Simple How-to Guide to Create a Gratitude Journal

10 Fundamental Soft Skills for Relationship and Career Success

by 2 Comments

Here are 10 fundamental soft skills for relationship and career success.

10 Fundamental Soft Skills for Relationship and Career Success VickiTillmanCoaching.com

10 Fundamental Soft Skills for Relationship and Career Success

No matter what career you choose, you will need to develop hard skills specific to that career. Counselors need to have great therapy skills. Engineers need great skills in mathematics and problem solving. Doctors need great anatomy and systems knowledge skills. Hard skills specific your career on a great resume are the keys to earn you an interview.

No matter what relationship you choose, you will need some hard skills, too: How to wash dishes, pay bills, take care of laundry.

JUST AS IMPORTANT as hard skills, are SOFT SKILLS. No matter what career you choose or relationship you choose, to be successful you will develop these 10 fundamental soft skills:

  1. Self-motivated- You have a good work ethic. You will get a job done. You pull your weight in work or relationship.
  2. Personal Style- You aware of yourself. You know your personality, your strengths and your weaknesses. You are comfortable with who you are. (Sign up for my newsletter and I’ll send you my list of personality test links.)
  3. Respectfully Aware of Others- You are aware of others. Whether others include colleagues, supervisors, spouses or children, you are polite and agreeable. You are also as assertive as you need to be.Confidence-Building Skills for Meeting New People VickiTillmanCoaching.com
  4. Presence/Active Listening- You listen to what colleagues, supervisors or loved ones say. You listen not only so that you have a savvy answer, but truly listening for their content. You can repeat back what they said if the situation arises. You never interrupt.
  5. Verbal Communication- Your words are positive. When you need to be persuasive, you do so without intimidation or anger. You have an appropriate sense of humor.
  6. Non-verbal Communication- You smile freely and try to avoid the *resting bitch face*. You use the magic non-verbals to set people at ease while showing confidence. (Download this freebie.)
  7. Team Work- You are able to take leadership and/or followership on a team. You are able to allow credit to go where credit is due. You help people feel good about themselves because of the encouragement they received while working with you!
  8. Creative Thinking- You are able to brainstorm. You use your thoughts and words creatively when necessary. You appreciate beautiful things and ideas.
  9. Problem Solving- You are willing to work on a problem until it has a solution. You talk things out looking for solutions, not vindication.
  10. Trustworthy- You are able to say, “I’m wrong”. You will do what is asked and more. You honestly handle time and resources.

Are you ready for some expert coaching to help you hone your soft skills? Contact me!

10 Fundamental Soft Skills for Relationship and Career Success

5 Times in Life You Need Life Transition Coaching

by Leave a Comment

There are clearly 5 times in life you need life transition coaching.

5 Times in Life You Need Life Transition Coaching VickiTillmanCoaching.com

5 Times in Life You Need Life Transition Coaching

I am often asked: What is Life Transition Coaching and when do I need it?

Here is what I tell folks: Life transition coaches like me are wise guides who help you navigate meaningfully and successfully through the positive changes or trying changes of life.

The truth is: Life is change. If you aren’t growing and changing, you aren’t alive! Here are 5 times you need a coach.

*You need coaching when you feel restless, unsatisfied or uncomfortable where you are in life

  • Knowing there’s more to life than this
  • Longing for meaning and purpose
  • Desiring to clarify your life causes
  • Re-inventing your identity

*You need coaching when you are leaving one phase of life to enter another

  • Graduating high school and headed to career or college
  • Graduating college and heading into career
  • Beginning empty nesting
  • Starting second half of life
  • Retiring

*You need coaching when you are experiencing changing relationships

  • Getting married
  • Raising toddlers, tweens or teens
  • Empty nesting

*You need coaching when you are launching into longed-for life benchmarks

  • Earning a big promotion
  • Moving to a new city
  • Clarifying whether to start a business

*You need coaching when you are dealing with unexpected, unwanted change

  • Managing life with chronic illness
  • Re-inventing well-being after life-changing injury
  • Re-creating life because of divorce

Contact me for encouraging, wise, experienced coaching by phone, Skype or in person. Or contact my office at Pike Creek Psychological Center 302-738-6859.

5 Times in Life You Need Life Transition Coaching

3 Most Dangerous Years That Can Risk Your Marriage

by Leave a Comment

What are the 3 most dangerous years that can risk your marriage?

3 Most Dangerous Years That Can Risk Your Marriage VickiTillmanCoaching.com

3 Most Dangerous Years That Can Risk Your Marriage

When I do SYMBIS pre-marital coaching, I always warn the soon-to-be newlyweds that they should plan ahead for the 3 most dangerous years of marriage.

These are 3 years, that if the marriage survives, it will be a strong and love-filled marriage. But these 3 years must be survived.

What are the 3 most dangerous years that can risk your marriage?

  • Year 2
  • Year 7
  • Year 16

Why are they so dangerous?

Year 2: The adjustment to committed marriage is way harder than you thought it would be. Your spouse is way stubborner than you ever knew. AND what ever happened to: *you get married and it’s happily ever after*?

Year 7: Couples without children are in the throws of professional development in their individual careers, they are so busy creating success that couple-ship is back-burnered. Couples with children have young ones underfoot that require long, long hours and little time for couple-ship. AND after 7 years, some things your spouse does just get too annoying!

Year 16: This is mid-life crisis of a marriage. Couples often wake up one morning and ask themselves: “Is this what I signed up for? Who is this person I’m married to? (I don’t think it is the same one I married 16 years ago.) For that matter, who am I?”

So how do I tell my SYMBIS pre-marital clients to plan to handle those years well? The same way I tell couples that I coach. Follow these 10 necessary steps:

3 Most Dangerous Years That Can Risk Your Marriage VickiTillmanCoaching.com

*Own your own shit. (I don’t cuss, it’s a psychology term…) Face it: You have your own garbage. After 2, 7 or 16 years, it is becoming destructive to your marriage. Whether it is socks on the floor, interrupting your spouse, never saying “I’m sorry”, never being willing to yield… Whatever it is, your shit is your shit: fix it. Coaching helps with this. Contact me, let’s work on you becoming your best you.

*Ask yourself: What’s my part in it? It’s already quite clear to you what your spouse’s part in the stress of this time is. Face it, you have a part in it, too. Time to fix that! A marriage is only as healthy as the two people in it.

*Stop being critical. The glass ceiling for a wonderful marriage is its level of criticism. A couple’s growth and love-level stops where the criticism starts. This counts for spoken criticism and each person’s own internal dialogue: *He’s SO… She’s SO…*. Whether spoken or not it takes 5 positive statements to undo 1 criticism! So get busy with the positive!

*Recognize this time of life is SUPPOSED to feel different. *I just don’t feel the same way I used to!* *Things aren’t like they used to be!* Of course not! This is a law of nature the God placed into the earth to force people to continue to grow. We call it The Second Law of Thermodynamics or The Law of Entropy (for real, check your science textbooks). It says: All things fall apart. (Which they do: Eventually plants, animals, planets, stars fall apart…relationships do, too.) However, we humans were given the gift from God to be able to break this law; but it takes constant motion. For couples, to break the Law of Entropy we must recognize that each phase of life has its beauty, lean into the joys of each stage. If you are wise, the conversation, emotions and sex life of each phase is different but deeper and more satisfying.

*Engage in spiritual practices together. This is the number 1 way to fight the Law of Entropy. Not kidding. When you come down to it, the only thing we truly have 100% in common with another person is the Holy Spirit’s presence. So if we want to be united, we need to do things with the Holy Spirit: pray together, read Scripture together.

*Do new things together. You CANNOT escape this one. It is a powerful way to fight the Law of Entropy. When you do something new with your spouse, your bodies create oxytocin, which is a bonding hormone. It doesn’t matter what the new thing is; it doesn’t even need to be interesting. It just needs to be new. This is a practice that must happen at least monthly to keep a marriage healthy.

*Find a united cause. A healthy couple must have a *couple identity*. A *this-is-what-we-are-about*. Explore until you find something: church activities, service organizations, hiking groups, social justice causes. It just needs to be *something larger than yourself*.

*Forgive. This sounds trite, but really. Forgiveness is another glass ceiling. Ask yourself this question: Does it have eternal value? If whatever you need to forgive has eternal value, talk it out with your spouse or get marriage counseling. If it doesn’t have eternal value, then why the heck are you hanging on to it?

*Look toward each other. Literally. Look at each other when you talk. Stop what you’re doing (phone, tablet, computer, game) and look right at your spouse until he/she is through talking. ALSO, metaphorically look at each other: Make a point to think about your spouse while you’re at work. Pray for him/her daily. Do something kind daily.

*Laugh together. Couples who laugh together, bond together. Watch something funny on YouTube or a funny movie. Read jokes to each other. Tell funny stories about your work day or childhood. Do not go more than 2 days without a laugh!

Newlyweds who plan for success by following these steps have an easier time through the phases of life. Couples who did not know ahead of time how to plan, it isn’t too late! Don’t worry, just start taking this advice:

Follow the 10 steps! You’ll be glad you did. Contact me for great coaching through life’s phases.

3 Most Dangerous Years That Can Risk Your Marriage

3 Steps for Getting Life Right All the Time

by Leave a Comment

Been wondering how to always be right? Here are 3 steps for getting life right all the time.

3 Steps for Getting Life Right All the Time VickiTillmanCoaching.com

3 Steps for Getting Life Right All the Time

“I just want to get it right!”

“If I can’t do it with excellence, I will wait until I can.”

“If I can’t figure out the RIGHT thing to do, I must be all wrong.”

I often hear statements like this from my clients. Like many people, they are sincere and just want to get life (career, relationships, stuff) right.

I love to share my 3 steps for getting life right!

Step 1

Beware of “Perfection Paralysis” (as one of my perfectionistic friends calls it)

While you shouldn’t make a life goal of doing a lousy job at everything, you become excellent at whatever you do by much practice. If you wait until you’re perfect, you won’t ever get started, much less arrive. Getting life right happens as you intentionally gain experience on journey.

Guiding principle: Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. GK Chesterton

Step 2

Beware of “The Arrival Myth”

You don’t arrive. I can remember being a young mother who was deluded by the thought that when I reached the ripe old age of 30, I will have arrived. I would have my stuff together, my family will be perfect, and I would be living a comfortable, steady-as-she-goes lifestyle.

In the 21st century, most people don’t get one career, one house, one set of interests and the settle down into comfortable mediocrity. Instead, the staples of life like career, living location, even church often shift many times.

Guiding Principle: Today, life isn’t a destination. As long as you are this side of heaven, you never arrive. If you surrender the Arrival Myth and make up your mind to enjoy the adventure that you are on, you won’t miss what God is doing in and through you.

Step 3

Live life “good enough”

So, really, you can’t get it right, right now and expect it to stick. You can’t do life perfectly but you can keep at it. You must simply do life “good enough”and learn to enjoy the process.

That doesn’t mean living lazily or sloppily, it just means that you can live life (career, relationships, stuff) remembering you are on the journey: there isn’t ONE place that you will land and then be “okay”, you must be “okay” where you are.

Guiding Principle: How do you do life “good enough”?

  • Be thankful for what you have.
  • Daily find moments of awe.
  • Take care of what you have gratefully (your body, your soul, your relationships, your stuff).
  • Handle your career faithfully and wisely, understanding that things will change. (Keep your LinkedIn updated and your resume sharp.)
  • Always keep learning.
  • Remember that service to others is foundational for success.

Okay, so there aren’t 3 steps for getting life right all the time. There are simply steps for living your journey well.

When you’re ready for coaching with a wise guide, contact me. We can talk in person, by phone or Skype and help you understand yourself/others and enjoy the fulfilling next steps in your life!

3 Steps for Getting Life Right All the Time

3 Ways to Stop Wasting Your Life

by 2 Comments

There are so many more ways but here are at least 3 ways to stop wasting your life.

3 Ways to Stop Wasting Your Life VickiTillmanCoaching.com

3 Ways to Stop Wasting Your Life

As a life coach and as a counselor, I get 3 kinds of clients who wake up one morning in despair that they’ve been wasting their lives:

  • Millennials, when they turn 30 they realize their young adulthood has gone…and what have they got to show for it?
  • Gen X’ers, when they turn 45…and realize that many opportunities they’d hoped for are lost, so what is left?
  • Boomers, when they hit 60 or retirement…and realize that their satisfaction with life is SO much less than they had expected, what happens now?

Those pivotal moments include most of us at one time or another. These are moments of fear, despair or regret. What can be done?

Here are 3 ways to stop wasting your life.

* Do good deeds. Daily. As a lifestyle. Try:

  • Joining an organization and volunteering frequently
  • Holding doors open for people
  • Smiling at cashiers and wishing them a good day
  • Giving affirmations to family members
  • Including newcomers in conversations and activities

Doing good deeds makes you a better person- and you’ll feel better, too. Volunteer work and acts of kindness help lower anxiety (even social anxiety).

*Find beauty. Habitually. As a lifestyle. Try:

  • Noticing cloud formations
  • Stoping and watching sunrises or sunsets
  • Learning some constellations
  • Looking for flowers, trees and birds
  • Paying attention to artwork and music
  • Going to a play or concert

When we stop to experience beauty, we often feel a sense of awe. Research shows that when people feel awe, they shift from ego-centrism to a feeling of loving-kindness and helpful behaviors. This is good for us and for others.

*Practice gratitude. Daily. As a lifestyle. Try:

  • Keeping a written journal listing things and people you are grateful for
  • Saying thank you often
  • Setting a timer for 3 moments each day. When the timer goes off, state out loud the things you are grateful for

These practices may seem simple, but they are life-changing. These are ways to stop wasting your life and truly making your life matter.

Recently a friend passed away after years of several chronic illnesses. This wonderful woman had lived for years tethered to oxygen tanks and other health problems. Despite her limits she raised her 5 sons (and homeschooled them K-12) and was an active member in her homeschool community.

She also volunteered frequently at her favorite (and my favorite) charity: Urban Promise. When she was healthy she helped on campus, after that she developed summer curriculum, had the staff for dinners and parties at her house, prayed for them constantly.

Rather than seclude herself because of her illness, she shook her fist at the physical onslaughts and made a difference in the world. At her memorial service the church was overflowing with grateful family, friends, and volunteer colleagues. She did not waste her life.

One thing my friend, Lisa, did was pray. She shared her prayers in a journal for those with chronic illness. The downloadable prayer journal is only $2.99. Her publisher is now giving the entire proceeds from God Meets Me Here to Urban Promise. Will you download a copy today?

Stop wasting your life. The more you give in service, beauty and gratitude, the more your life will be truly good.

3 Ways to Stop Wasting Your Life