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10 Rules for Being an Awesome Mother of the Bride

May 30, 2016 by Vicki Tillman 2 Comments

10 Rules for Being an Awesome Mother of the Bride

10 Rules for Being an Awesome Mother of the Bride VickiTillmanCoaching.com

10 Rules for Being an Awesome Mother of the Bride

There’s nothing quite like being the mother of the bride! In my years as a coach and counselor, I’ve heard stories of Momzillas and stories of Mom Heroes. I only have one daughter, so when she married a couple of years ago, I was determined to be more Mom Hero than Momzilla.

Here are 10 rules I learned about being a likable mother of the bride:

1. Be Nice

Be nice, be nice, be nice.

Weddings can be high stress, even if it is positive high stress. Weddings and wedding planning is the best place for learning to manage yourself well. A little fruit of the spirit is needed, so pray a lot. When you need some extra debriefing and support, it’s time to get some coaching. Contact me.

2. It is your daughter’s wedding

Not yours. Let her and her fiancé make decisions about the wedding– even if they want to do something pretty stupid. Fortunately for me, my kids were pretty low key and smart. In fact, I really wasn’t tempted to try to make any of their decisions. My daughter bounced LOTS of ideas off me, but I did my best to be quiet and let her decide. It was fun to watch her choose colors, flowers, announcements, etc.

I’ve heard stories about wedding plans that seemed ridiculous, but when the mother of the bride allowed the bride and groom to *make mistakes* things turned out okay. It is best to back off and be a support.

3. Keep financial boundaries

Some brides forget the budget. If you’re paying it’s fine to say, “I can’t go over our agreed upon amount” and stick to it. My daughter was very good with the budget. There were some extras that she wanted so she and her fiancé footed that bill.

4. Make up your mind to have fun

Weddings are fun. Wedding planning is fun. But only if you make up your mind to have fun. So have fun! Fun, fun, fun!!

5. Treat your son-in-law with respect and friendliness

You’re investing in the future. Throughout the planning and on the wedding day, be sure to be courteous to him. Be friendly.

Think about it. Do you want to be so stubborn or sharp that you leave him with a bad memory of you? Do you want them to think of ways to avoid you when the grandkids come along? Invest in the relationship now.

Fortunately for me, my daughter married a terrific guy who took no effort at all to be friendly with but I’ve heard some mothers of the bride fuss that their son-in-law was *stealing her from us* or *not good enough for her*. Useless frame of mind that makes the future family relationships more difficult.

6. Special moments are good Ignatian Examen How-to VickiTillmanCoaching.com

The day before my daughter’s wedding, a friend bought a manicure party for the bride, bridesmaids, the new mom-in-law, my friend and myself. It was a special bonding time. Even if you don’t have a friend who likes to bless you with special events, it is a good idea to think of something easy and fun to do with the group of ladies involved with the wedding.

7. Food is always needed

There are so many times during the wedding process that food will be needed. You can be a real blessing if you show up with thoughtful snacks to dress fittings, decoration-preparation days, and getting-dressed-for-the-wedding morning.

Progressive Relaxation VickiTillmanCoaching.com8. Weddings will have glitches, handle with grace and invention

We got off easy- the worst that happened on the wedding day (I think), is that the dads’ boutonnieres were lost in someone’s shuffle. We improvised with some flowers out of the flower girl’s bouquet. But I have known outdoor weddings blown around by thunderstorms, receptions with the food orders missing, ring bearers who won’t advance down the aisle…

The point is: Shake your fist at the chaos (not each other) and make good things happen for the bride and groom.

9. Weddings will have crashers, plan extras

No matter how carefully you make your guest list, someone will show up uninvited. Keep the boundaries you can and find serenity with the boundaries you can’t keep. If you have extra everything, you can relax.

10. After the wedding: your house will be a mess Summer Mindfulness Coloring Pages VickiTillmanCoaching.com

Imagine, days of preparation for the wedding, a long wedding day- then you come home with all the leftover wedding paraphernalia and gifts. It took two weeks for me to get the house under control after the wedding. It is a good time to take it slow and include some extra self-care. Do some mindfulness: download a freebie like Progressive Relaxation How-to, or Ignatian Examen How-to, or Summer Mindfulness Coloring Pages.

One of my favorite types of coaching is the supportive coaching I get to share with mothers of the bride. Contact me when it is your turn for that wonderful job!

May all your kids’ weddings be blessed events. May your blood pressure stay healthy while you have fun!

10 Rules for Being an Awesome Mother of the Bride

Filed Under: Life transitions, Mother of the Bride Tagged With: Life transitions, Mother of the Bride

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Debbie Phillips says

    June 7, 2016 at 7:02 pm

    Great post. I saved it for later.
    Thanks Vicki.
    It’s been a long time since I have seen you. Hope things are good with you and your family.

    Reply
    • Vicki Tillman says

      June 7, 2016 at 7:11 pm

      Hi Debbie! It HAS been a long time. Things are well here! Hope the same for your family!

      Reply

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  • Vicki began coaching me when my world was shattered by life altering circumstances. She provided guidance as I sorted through the ruble and discarded dysfunctional pieces that weighed me down. She gave me support and direction as I struggled to rebuild my life. She continues to encourage me to develop healthier thinking patterns and invites me to recognize God’s hand working even in the midst of the most difficult situations. She is amazingly patient and her wisdom is invaluable in cutting through surface distractions to expose the true underlying issues. I have been truly blessed by Vicki’s insight, perspective and counsel.

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